You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
