i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
