So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
