i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
