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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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