i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
