maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
