did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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