Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
