Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
