i barfeds in our rink
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
