She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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