somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
