i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
