i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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