No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am naked and annoyed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
