i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
