Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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