Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
