I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
be right there i have to get my cape
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
