How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
