just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
