Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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