i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
