Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
