Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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