I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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