did you get engaged???
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
