On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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