Plan B is the new Plan A
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
