when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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