So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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