thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
