but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
