I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Blood and glitter go together right?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
