my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry about my life...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
