Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
