THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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