I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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