Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
