PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
