all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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