Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
