i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
