When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
