i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
last night I used snow as a chaser
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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