My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
