I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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