Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
