I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
