these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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