I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
