She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
